


Midnight Blues

by raven_aorla



Series: Time Out of Mind [7]
Category: 18th Century CE RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Aromantic Character, Bittersweet, Depression, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Plot Twist, Sad Nature Dude Needs Hugs, Therapists Go to Bed Too Early, anxiety attack, phone sex operator, strangulation mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 16:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6762175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/pseuds/raven_aorla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm going to talk, and when I pause you're going to express enthusiastic consent. Not with exclamation points or anything. Just sort of quietly affirm that you're definitely up for what I suggested."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Blues

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be straightforward. Then I fact-checked and got ideas.

_"We've got a masculine-voice-who-wants-masculine-voice. Caller sounds super melancholy, so start off light."_

_"If that's what you need, Ms. Shippen."_

_"Are you still mad at us, Johnny? You know we didn't mean to leave you hanging over that whole screwup."_

_"Connect me to the caller."_

_"How's your neck?"_

_"MARGARET."_

**[Credit card details approved. BEEP]**

_"Good evening, sir."_

"It's a few minutes after midnight, so it's morning, really. The wee hours of the morning. The dark and lonely wee hours of the morning. Sorry, I'm being rude."

_"If you want to be rude to me, feel free to be rude."_

"I don't particularly. It might happen by accident. It tends to. I get wrapped up in my head."

_"Tell me what you need. Whatever you need."_

"I don't want you to talk dirty to me or use honorifics or anything like that. I'm going to talk, and when I pause you're going to express enthusiastic consent. Not with exclamation points or anything. Just sort of quietly affirm that you're definitely up for what I suggested. Make it sound like it would please you. Can you do that?"

_"Yes, please, I'd love that."_

"Maybe a little more hesitant without being reluctant? Like you're blushy but into it? Also casual? Like we know each other well but it's a new development. Sorry to be picky. Strangers don't do it for me."

_"That sounds, uh, good."_

"Mm, yeah, that's more like him. Slightly stilted, but it works."

_"Seems like you want to talk about something. What's up?"_

"Hey, I know you're looking for someone to steady you, someone stable and sweet. I'm not that guy. I can't even fall in love with people. It's not how I'm wired. I hope someone will - well, someone who can give you monogamy and a greater level of mental health than you yourself have, otherwise you'd probably be dating, um, you'd likely be dating that little lionheart of yours. But I want to make you smile."

 _"You already do."_

"I...You matter to me and you barely smile more often than I do. Which is entirely too infrequent. Some days I want to pause and put a hand on your cheek. Gently turn your face towards me, lock eyes for a second before we kiss. Could I do that?"

_"Of course. I've wanted the same thing. Yes."_

"You're so self-conscious about your scars. I want to see them, if you're willing. They mean you could have died but you didn't, that you're brave enough to keep going, and that should be celebrated. I want to trace the warped sinews and pale tissue with my fingers and tongue. I want to scrape my teeth and suck marks all over you. I want to learn what I can...sorry, just a sec, I'm working from a script here and I can't read what I wrote."

_"You went to all that trouble for me?"_

"Contrary to what many think, aromantic doesn't mean without capacity for attachment. I could go to a lot of trouble for you. I would. I don't know what your own preferences are, and I would work with them, but...it's been such a long time since I've gotten, um, gotten fucked. Recent partners have suggested toys but it's not the same. I think you'd be good at it. There's a grace to how you move, and you do everything with such care. Would you? Please?"

_"Of course."_

"Your fingers are so nimble with a pen or stylus. Several times a week, I have a traitorous impulse to ask you to slide them inside me. I'm sorry."

_"You don't need to be sorry. Let's do - FUCK._

"Are you alright?"

_"Sorry, give me a sec..."_

"You sound like you're in pain. For god's sake hang up on me if you need to. I'll still pay for the time we used."

_"I strained something I shouldn't have, just need a painkiller. It's only a momentary pang."_

"What'd you do?"

_"Don't worry about me."_

"I'm paying by the minute for you to converse on subjects of my choice. I can worry if I feel like it. I won't enjoy myself if I'm agonizing over whether you're lying in a puddle of blood while trying to calmly cater to my whims. Also how do you know I don't have a fetish for hearing about people's medical conditions?"

_"Got beaten up a bit and one of them tried to strangle me. They got stopped in time, but it messed up some things. I'm working from home while I recover."_

"Is it a cervical herniated disc? Those are no joke."

_"Are you a doctor?"_

"I'm a few things, but among them is an expert in vertebrate anatomy. Feel up to going back to the original flow?"

_"Yes. You've been very kind."_

"I wish you didn't have such a low bar for kindness. Which is what I want to say to quote-on-quote you, not only literal you, so I suppose it's a good segue."

_"You're kind to me, though, and I want to show my appreciation. You don't have to hide your desires. We can make them happen."_

"I wouldn't do that to you, put you on the spot like that. I like imagining, though. I like imagining going up to Assateague Island and camping with you. You'd like it, I think, especially in cooler weather. It's quiet. We might see wild horses. Share a tent and take our time."

_"Really, I want to do it. That sounds wonderful."_

"It's only going to get worse when we go to Baltimore; it's not much of a detour. The whole time we're talking to the national aquarium director about how we're going to do the freshwater exhibit, I'll be...oh crap. Shit. Shit, this is why I had a script. I...I..."

_"Are you having a panic attack?"_

"It'sjusta...I can't breathe...it'snotapanicattack because I can...I can talk...anxiety...it's... I...you're Baltimore-based, but that doesn't mean you...I've said too much, I should hang up..."

_"Wait! People let personal details slip all the time. You don't need to worry about anything I might piece together. We're discree- "_

"HAH! I did some digging before I called! Your little call center, 'Scarlet Secrets', is just 'Midnight Blues' under a different name and a new office! I know you and the two members of your triad who own the business sold recordings of embarrassing calls to a customer's rival gang leader, like something out of an episode of The Wire. Then members of the first gang figured out who the phone sex operator had been. They grabbed you off the street and worked you over and decided to 'execute' you, right, Mr. André?" 

_"Fine! Fine! But we're not a triad. Benedict is my metamour. Why did you call if you knew, Mr. Lewis? Since we've decided to stop pretending."_

"Because you're inexpensive, exceptionally queer-friendly, and the voice samples you've thoughtfully posted to your site let me know you sound a lot like...him. There seemed to be an ideological component to what you did, too, not only money. The first gang were suspects in a spate of recent hate crimes, and the calls were steeped in hypocrisy and internalized homophobia. I can't imagine those had been fun to be on the other end of."

_"They were on the ickier end of the scale. You know, I follow you on Twitter. I hadn't heard of zebra mussels before last week and now I hate them with a fiery passion."_

"That makes me feel better. Well, not the invasive mussels. Um. Sorry for my outburst. I won't leave a scathing Yelp review that's bad for your business and, uh, your neck. I become a real jerk when I'm having one of my moments. It's just Lewis."

_"It's just André unless you're trying to get me to forgive you for something. I can take the last few minutes off your bill."_

"Nonsense. None of this has been me chasing arousal. I told you, strangers don't do it for me. I'm having a rough night and needed some distraction. I've fought against alcoholism. My own whiskey rebellion. I won. Scarlet Secrets keeps much later hours than therapists do. I'm distracted, like I wanted."

_"I gave you an anxiety attack."_

"Unfamiliar ringtones and restaurant menus with too many options have given me anxiety attacks. My flail-iness is one of the many reasons I stopped working for the government."

_"Oh. Huh. Where do you want to go from here?"_

"My script has a wrap-up portion I'm slightly proud of." 

_"Please, let me hear it. I want to hear it."_

"I need you to promise me it's okay. That I will watch your too-infrequent smiles and benefit from your patience with me while silently wishing I could make you hoarse with pleasure. Tell me it's okay to be your friend who wants to undress you and melt into you. I will never think badly of whoever gets to do that, as long as they give you what you need. Tell me you understand how orientations can be out of sync and power imbalances can be walls I'm not prepared to climb. Tell me it's okay to tuck it close to my chest where you can't see it. Tell me I'm not a bad man for wanting. Tell me. Please."

_"I promise it's okay. I understand. You're not bad, you're a gentleman, and you sound like an honorable and caring friend to whoever you've been having me stand in for. Sorry to step out of the moment, Lewis, but it's true."_

"I'll ask for you if I call again, John."

_"As I said, everyone calls me André unless..."_

"Indulge me."

**[BEEP]**

**Author's Note:**

> My conceptualization of how a certain historical event went down:
> 
> PATRIOTS:  
> If you don't hand over loathsome traitor Benedict Arnold, we will hang your spy and Arnold's wife's former (and current?) lover John Andre. Handsome, charming, noble, brave, gallant, artistic, sexy John Andre, whom we all swoon over.
> 
> BRITISH:  
> We won't give you Arnold.
> 
> PATRIOTS:  
> Noooooo, now we have to follow through!


End file.
